The Life Theatric, Revisited

If I've decided anything recently, it's that I'm really fucking good at teaching drama.

This past summer I stepped down from the ole Limelight gig.  But at the same time I agreed to take on a new position directing shows for a junior high. Part of me did it to secure space for Limelight; with me managing the space, it should be easier for the LTC gang to have a home.

And part of me did it because I liked the guys who asked, and well, they asked.  And the kids over there deserve to have a proper drama program.

Scheduling it and planning it has been a real clusterfuck, but it seems to be all sorted out. And I'm lucky enough to have one of the finer persons I know serve as my A.D.  I could write a whole post on him, but perhaps another day.

What I'm not good at, any more at least, is working two jobs. Maybe I'm too old?  Maybe. Actually, I prefer to think that it's because I'm at the point where I put so much into both jobs that I don't have the time to just do one.  I teach, I direct, I make websites.

These past two weeks have just crushed me, and I'm almost at the breaking point. Too stressed and too exhausted. Wake up every night after my body has exactly four hours of sleep.  Then I stare off into space, my mind racing.  I'll read a bit, then eventually fall back asleep around 5 AM before getting up an hour later.  Yeah, it sucks.  I should be in bed now, but why bother?  I'll just wake up in a few hours. Better that I use my time for better purposes and have another glass of red wine.

While the show has been a bitch to plan, I am indescribably happy while working with the kids on stage. I'm at the point where it just comes naturally, and I'm in the moment, walking them through the story, moving them here and there, showing them how we tell tales with our voices and bodies and how we make the ink and paper become a real live thing in front of gathered persons.

The classroom can be like that at times, that living-in-the-moment thing, but it's too bad that it's saddled with so much bullshit.  In both places, it's the kids that count, and everything else can fuck off.

So...in these times of financial collapse and budget cuts and familiar despair, I've been trying to figure out how I can take these talents of mine and focus them on one job instead of two.  And that's not easy.

I was accepted at a drama school in Dublin. If all had gone as planned, I'd be there now, studying theory and walking the rainy streets and spending the occasional weekend with friends or wandering the countryside.  But the practical side of me said, "Too Expensive.  Be practical.  Look at how things are right now."

And I was right.  I'm glad I made the decision I did, but there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about being Over There.

The only time I ever get on this thing is to talk about two things:  Where I'm Traveling, and Where My Head Is.  Haven't done any traveling in a while, and the other topic is the same damn song that I sing over and over again.  "I need to do something different, blah blah blah, tra la tra la tra la...."

I'm heading to Seattle next month to visit some friends of mine who used to live around here until they realized that they were going to rot and/or explode.  The change of scenery has apparently done them good, and they warn me that I'll like the place so much that I'll never want to leave.  Maybe.

A change of scenery does many people good, and man oh man do I need one, but I just can't seem to find the right avenue to get to it.  I'm locked into the loop of teach-direct-teach-direct and there's never the free time to make the Big Plans. I want to pack the bags and just go far, far away and see new things and meet new people and learn new ways of teaching and directing and doing techy things that kick ass.

My sister and her family are headed for fucking Phoenix, Arizona, because that's what they do.  But I stay.  I always stay.  How many times have I sat at that stoplight, driven by that gas station, shopped at that mall?  How many times have I sat in that meeting? How many times have I listened to the same tired arguments about nothing?  One day leads into the sleepless next, and I'm getting old, so old, and I never was much of a dancer, tra la, tra la...