I had a strange experience today: I had to talk to students and tell them what happened on September 11th. Most of them were four when it happened. They have no real memory of the event, and a few even asked, "What happened that day?"
So I told them a quick story, which I talk about in the post below. I still think about looking in the eyes of my friend Ben, who I used to teach with. That look he gave me, a mixture of strength and fear. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
I think this day brings about a wide range of feelings in people. Patriotism, resolve, anger and frustration, bitterness even. To me it just brings an overwhelming feeling of love for everyone I know, and the desire to fix what was broken.
The following was written on September 11th, 2006.
I haven't been able to come up with the proper words to describe what goes through my head when I consider the events of September 11th.
They weigh heavy on me. I woke up a few times last night, and my first thoughts were always, "today will be September 11th."
It's been five years since they brought the kids in early to school, when I ran down the hall, watching my students file into the room, sooner than usual. News on the radio and pictures coming through slowly on my computer, a horrible helpless feeling as I taught through the morning not really knowing what was going on. The face of a fellow teacher as he met my eyes as we sat down at lunch to watch what was happening.
The material of my couch at home, that's what I remember for some reason. I sat there for hours after school and just watched it all happen, just like everyone else did. The soft, corduroy-like feel of that blue couch.
Weird, almost enjoyable sensation of being really alive. That's the only good thing I remember about those first hours and days. This wonderful and horrible feeling of being very, very alive. Everything crystal-clear and sharp.
Nothing has really been that clear ever since. It's been a long five years, watching and wondering where this country is going, where it's being led, where its citizens are letting it be taken. Hoped there would be this renaissance of thought and concern and greater understanding of what was important in life. And maybe that's happened to some people, but not enough, I fear. Not enough.
The national nervous breakdown is what Hunter Thompson called it, I think. In the years following everyone found their own hole to stick their head in, to protect themselves against a lurking dread. Reality television or booze or unquestioning patriotism. Some stood tall and knew the right things to do and the right words to say from the very beginning, while others stumbled and lost their way.
And for all its missteps and misdeeds, despite the fact that I strongly disagree with the direction it has been taken by our current leadership, I still love this country.
I believe that there is an America out there that is smart and compassionate and wants nothing more than to be a force for good in this world. There is an America out there that raises good kids who know right from wrong and will grow up to do wonderful things. There is an America out there that is filled with bold leaders, talented musicians and writers, and people who know how to make a great cheeseburger.
There is an America to be proud of out there, but it's been hidden behind the curtain of dust and haze of September 11th.
It is up to us, its citizens, to remind everyone of America's proud past and its limitless potential. It's up to us to stand together and not let this great country stumble and fail. It's up to us to pick it up again.
No sense in running away and hiding from the bad stuff, no sense in running away when things get dark. Like it was said once before, when you can't run anymore, you crawl, and when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you.
To all of you out there, family and friends, I wish you peace on this day of remembrance. May we all live to see happier times together
